2/18/21
Today the real test of fitting in began. I was (finally) taken off quarantine and put in receiving’s general population. I’m only going to be here for a few days while my counselor wraps up my paperwork. Then it’ll be the express lane for me over to CCU (Closed Custody Unit), which is a bit of a disappointment for a few reasons. I was hoping to get to know the women here then move over to CCU with them. That way, I’d already have friends to help me figure out how life works here. Instead, I’m moving on ahead of them which means when I get to CCU I will again be in a position of not knowing anyone.
Good news is I’m fitting in here fairly easily and already have met some very cool people who have their priorities straight. I am yet to encounter anything resembling the in-your-face transphobia I am used to and was expecting. I’ve been warned that “there are some women who’ve been here since the 80’s and are not happy about trans women coming here.” So I guess I have that to look forward to. Thus far I’ve only encountered innocent curiosity-ignorance which I hope I’ve handled gracefully.
My roomie and I were moved from the quarantine pod to the general intake pod at 8:20 am. We were assigned to the same cell, so we get to keep living together. Which is nice for both of us. It lowers both of our stress levels since we get along and already know how to negotiate space together.
We got to the pod just in time for out time, so I cleaned the cell, got a shower, and spent some time just hanging out. Later that afternoon we had gym. By this point I was being included and just a part of the general conversation on the way there.
Then we get there and all other thoughts disappeared from my head. There’s. A. Pool. Table!?!?! Very happy making. I spent most of the gym hour playing and learned that another trans woman I know was moved to WCCW a couple weeks ahead of me.
After gym something almost better than being expected happened. I know it’s completely vapid and shallow, but I don’t care. I haven’t had a single article of clothing fit me in over 14 years and now everything I’ve got is my correct size. I mean, it’s all state issue grays, but it fits! Plus, I like the color gray and the PJ’s they gave me are super cute.
While waiting in line for dinner, I realized I really am just one of the girls. I was immediately included in the conversation, which included a dizzying number of subject changes and asides. I’m pretty sure the only reason I was able to keep up is way too many years of watching Gilmore Girls reruns. Later, the conversation picked up right where it left off during the evening hour out.
It’s a lot for me to unpack just yet, but I think if I can fit in this easily here, then maybe I can fit in fairly easily elsewhere in WCCW. This is a very weird thought for me. I’m not used to fitting in and it’s far to optimistic for a self respecting cynic like myself to be considering. In any case, as I’ve already said a few times, I think I’m gonna be ok here.
Amber Fayefox Kim 